Zen and the Art of Squirreling
I'm a lucky dog. No, I really mean it!!! It's not just that I have a great family, a warm wonderful home, my own kitty to play with, I get to go great places, and smell wonderful things all the time......but what really makes me lucky, is that I have found my calling in life. I have figured it all out, and life is wonderful. I have discovered the inner peace and joy of squirreling. And it is so easy for me; like I was made to squirrel. My dad says it is "good genes" which means that I am a natural.
I guess I have to start at the
beginning, before I go into the details of the daily training and ritual
required to be a really world class squirreler. I discovered squirrels when
I first met Zen. He was an old blond-golden retriever with a gray
muzzle, that came to the dog park with his dad and the new puppy Karma.
Karma was great fun; she would chase me around the park, then I would chase
her, and we could wrestle for an hour and never get tired. But Zen
would only sit next to his dad, looking old and happy. He was clearly above mundane
dog-play. His dad said he had "dysplasia" which I have found out means
"he is very wise, almost mystical". One day I ran over to play with
Karma, and Zen looked at me as I approached. It was an overwhelming glance from
those big, wise, all-knowing eyes. I had to stop in my tracks, sit
down, (I am a setter) and stare back. Then Zen leaned over to point at
a squirrel in the tree next to the bench his dad was sitting on. The
squirrel was magically entranced by Zen and came running down to sit right
in front of Zen. Zen didn't have to move, he just concentrated and
focused on the squirrel. I had never witnessed such a display of
power; Zen controlled this squirrel just with his eyes. His dad of
course rewarded the squirrel with a chito for being so compliant. I couldn't
believe what I had seen.
To emphasize his mystical control over all squirrels, Zen looked back at
me, blinked his eyes saying "Did you see that? Do you think you can learn
these skills? Do you think that you can attain the inner peace that I have
now that I can control squirrels?" Then Zen pointed at another dozen
squirrels and had everyone of them at his feet within the next half hour.
They all got chitos; Zen was awesome.
My life at the dog park changed forever. Running and romping with a bunch of
other dogs was fun, but I needed more in life; I longed to be as wise as
Zen. So I started practicing with every walk I could get my dad to go
on. Dad was pretty slow to catch on; I had to teach him everything he
knows. But he learns fast and now he is a fantastic squirreler; he
actually gets the squirrels to come down trees and come right up to him at
least ten times for every one that I get control of. Then dad gives
the squirrel a peanut to reward them for coming when he wanted. I
don't know why they like the peanuts so much, I think the chitos are a much
better reward.
So now that my dad understands my passion for squirrels, we go on long walks
at least twice a day, just to find squirrels to practice on. It takes
great patience and skill. First you have to find a squirrel, then point him out, slowly sneak up
on him, all the while focusing to order him to come down
and play. It's not easy.
Other dogs have the same instincts in
them but they are undisciplined, rowdy, loud, clumsy......hopeless. You see
them every day, running wildly from tree to tree, jumping and barking.
They haven't a clue how to become "one -with-the-squirrel". It's
embarrassing. Worse yet; they spook even the best squirrels, who won't
come down and play for hours, sometimes days, after they have been harassed
by some brute canine. But the greatest sacrilege: some dogs will
actually kill a squirrel. How stupid and mean is that? These
heathen dogs should be banned from my park, and everyone should do what ever
they can to protect our squirrels. So always remember the cardinal
rule: "you must never hurt a squirrel, or they will not come down and play
any more."
However if they run from tree to tree, or better yet, out into an open area,
they want you to chase after them. Just remember not to hurt them.
So here is how
you do it: First you have to train your people to go on walks where
there are squirrels. Even harder is to get them to bring peanuts or chitos along to reward the squirrels for falling under your spell. But
that is all there is to it; the rest is just practice-practice-practice.
You can learn to spot squirrels as they hide up in the tops of trees,
especially when they jump from limb to limb. They have a distinctive
musty odor if you can get down wind of them, and they always make noise as
they climb on the sides of trees. It's really easy to find them if
they bark at you, taunting from their supposed safe perch. That is
when patience is required; just sit down and focus watching their every
move. Make sure that squirrel understands that nothing else matters to
you, nothing else can distract you, from them.
When the squirrel
glances away or moves to another branch or tree, then you can slowly move
towards them. Remain totally focused on the squirrel and communicate
from deep inside, and you will see the squirrel slowly come to you.
You know you have made it when the squirrel actually touches your nose.
The squirrel will actually 'purr' when they get close to you; that's when
you know you are one-with-the-squirrel. The satisfaction and deep inner peace I feel after that experience has made
me a "whole dog". I am really happy; I am really lucky; I'm good.
My dad calls the best squirrels "domesticated" which means that they are
really smart and always know who is in charge; they are the most fun.
But occasionally we only find scared wild squirrels that will not play.
But
even the scared ones, if you work on them, and your dad rewards them with peanuts, can become
domesticated and fun in a short while.
So that's all there is to it; focus, patience, and practice. Good luck.
More pictures of me and my squirrels...click here